Learn & celebrate
Pronouns, Flags & Identities
A friendly place to learn about pronouns and the many flags and identities under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. This is an introduction, not the last word — language keeps growing, people define themselves in their own words, and the way someone describes themselves is always the authority. When in doubt, ask kindly and listen.
Pronouns
Pronouns are the little words we use to refer to someone instead of their name — like she, he, they, or others. Using someone’s pronouns is a simple, everyday way to show respect.
Common pronouns
| Subject | Object | Possessive | Possessive pronoun | Reflexive | Example |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| she | her | her | hers | herself | She grabbed her coat because it was hers; she made it herself. |
| he | him | his | his | himself | He grabbed his coat because it was his; he made it himself. |
| they | them | their | theirs | themself | They grabbed their coat because it was theirs; they made it themself. |
| it | it | its | its | itself | It grabbed its coat because it was its; it made it itself. |
Some neopronouns
Neopronouns are additional sets some people use instead of, or alongside, the ones above. They’re often thought of as new, but some — like xe/xem — have been recorded since 1858. There are many; here are a few common ones, and sets can vary from person to person, so follow each person’s lead.
| Subject | Object | Possessive | Possessive pronoun | Reflexive |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ze | hir | hir | hirs | hirself |
| ze | zir | zir | zirs | zirself |
| xe | xem | xyr | xyrs | xemself |
| ey | em | eir | eirs | emself |
| fae | faer | faer | faers | faerself |
| per | per | per | pers | perself |
| ve | ver | vis | vis | verself |
Mixing & “any” pronouns
Some people use more than one set (like she/they) — you can alternate, or ask which they prefer. Others are happy with any pronouns, or ask you to use their name instead.
Noun-self pronouns
A smaller group use nounself pronouns drawn from a noun (for example fae/faer, or bun/bunself). If someone shares one, just use it as you would any other set.
Titles
Mx (pronounced “mix”) is a gender-neutral title, an alternative to Mr/Ms/Mrs.
Sharing & asking
You can share yours first (“I’m Sam, I use they/them”) to make it easy for others — adding them to your bio, profile, or email signature helps too. To ask, “What pronouns do you use?” is perfectly kind and welcome.
If you slip up
Briefly correct yourself, say a quick “sorry,” and move on — no big speech needed. Getting it right with practice matters more than getting it perfect first time.
Why it matters
Being referred to correctly helps people feel seen and safe. It costs nothing and means a great deal.
Flags & identities
Pride flags are a shorthand for community and belonging. “Queer” is often used as a warm umbrella term for the whole community, while the flags below name some of the specific identities within it. Many people hold more than one, and no list can capture everyone — that’s a feature, not a bug.
Community & pride flags
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Rainbow Pride
Gilbert Baker’s 1978 flag — red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for harmony, violet for spirit. The original had eight stripes, including hot pink (sex) and turquoise (art).
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Progress Pride
Daniel Quasar’s redesign adds a forward-pointing chevron — white, pink and light blue for trans people, brown and black for queer people of colour and those lost to AIDS.
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Intersex-Inclusive Progress
Builds on the Progress flag with Valentino Vecchietti’s intersex symbol — a purple circle on yellow — so intersex people are represented too.
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Philadelphia Pride
Adds black and brown stripes above the rainbow to centre the experiences of queer people of colour.
Attraction — sexual & romantic orientations
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Lesbian
Women (and many nonbinary people) attracted to women. Emily Gwen’s 2018 “sunset” flag is an inclusive signal for the whole sapphic spectrum — butch, femme, and nonbinary lesbians.
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Gay / MLM
Men (and many nonbinary people) loving men — greens for community and healing fading through white into blues for love and fortitude.
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Bisexual
Attraction to two or more genders. Michael Page’s 1998 flag: pink for same-gender attraction, blue for different-gender, and the narrow lavender overlap as a distinct meeting point.
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Pansexual
Attraction to people regardless of gender — pink, yellow and blue for all along and beyond the gender spectrum.
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Omnisexual
Attraction to all genders, where a person’s gender still plays a part in the attraction.
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Polysexual
Attraction to many, but not necessarily all, genders.
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Asexual
Little or no sexual attraction. Ace is a spectrum — grey-ace and demisexual sit under the same umbrella.
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Demisexual
Sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond has formed.
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Aromantic
Little or no romantic attraction — green as the opposite of romance-red. Part of the split-attraction model, which separates romantic from sexual desire.
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Aroace
A whole identity for people who are both aromantic and asexual — orange for community, yellow for non-romantic love, white for wholeness, blues for the spectrum.
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Abrosexual
An orientation that shifts and changes over time, moving between different attractions.
Gender identities
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Transgender
People whose gender differs from the one they were assigned at birth. Designed by Monica Helms.
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Nonbinary
Genders outside the man/woman binary. Designed by 17-year-old Kye Rowan in 2014 — yellow (outside the binary), white (many/all genders), purple (a mix), black (without gender).
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Genderqueer
Gender that troubles or moves beyond conventional categories — lavender, white and green.
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Genderfluid
A gender that shifts and flows over time rather than staying fixed.
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Agender
Without gender, or gender-neutral. The green stripe is the inverse of purple to signal an absence of gender.
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Bigender
Having two genders, either at once or moving between them.
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Androgyne
A blend of masculine and feminine. The vertical pink, purple and blue bars signal both present at once rather than shifting between them.
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Demiboy
A partial connection to being a boy or man, whatever else one is alongside it.
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Demigirl
A partial connection to being a girl or woman, whatever else one is alongside it.
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Intersex
People born with sex characteristics that don’t fit typical binary definitions. Morgan Carpenter’s unbroken purple circle stands for wholeness and bodily autonomy.
A few more to know
- Graysexual / grayromantic & demiromantic — sitting between “allo” and “ace/aro,” experiencing attraction rarely or only after an emotional bond forms.
- Trixic & toric — attraction labels for nonbinary people: trixic is attraction to women, toric is attraction to men.
- Questioning — still exploring, with no pressure to land on a label. That’s completely okay, and always welcome here.
Community & heritage identities
Some identities and flags mark a specific culture, history, or way of relating rather than an orientation or gender.
- Two-Spirit — a sacred, Indigenous-specific identity that predates colonial ideas of gender. Introduced by Elder Dr. Myra Laramee (1990); its flag sets two feathers over a rainbow. It carries cultural and spiritual meaning and isn’t interchangeable with Western labels.
- Bear — a gay-male subculture celebrating body hair and a range of bodies; Craig Byrnes’ 1995 flag uses earth tones for the colours of bears worldwide.
- Leather — the kink and leather community, rooted in consent and safety; Tony DeBlase’s 1989 flag is black-and-blue stripes with a red heart.
- Polyamory — consensual, ethical non-monogamy. A 2022 redesign (gold heart on a white chevron) was chosen by a community vote of over 30,000 people, centring emotional bonds.
- Straight ally — cisgender, heterosexual people showing active solidarity, shown by a rainbow “A” over black-and-white stripes — support without claiming a queer identity.
A note on “types”: within gay male culture you’ll also hear affectionate community “types” like bear, otter, cub, wolf, twink and jock — descriptions of look or vibe rather than identities.
Glossary of common terms
A quick reference to language you might come across, grouped by theme. It isn’t exhaustive, and people are always the experts on the words that fit them best.
Bodies & variations in sex characteristics
- Endosex
- Someone whose innate sex characteristics fit medical and conventional understandings of male and female bodies (the opposite of intersex).
- Intersex
- An umbrella term for people whose anatomical, chromosomal or hormonal characteristics differ from typical definitions of male and female. There are at least 40 variations; most intersex people are cisgender and have a range of orientations.
- Sex characteristics
- The physical parts of the body related to development and reproduction — primary (chromosomes, gonads, genitals, hormones) and secondary (traits that emerge at puberty, like body hair or voice pitch).
- Sex
- A classification usually made at birth as male or female based on external anatomy. It isn’t always straightforward — a person may be intersex, and characteristics can change over a lifetime.
Gender
- AFAB / AMAB
- Assigned (or presumed) Female / Male At Birth — framing sex as an externally assigned label rather than an innate identity.
- Cisgender (cis)
- Someone whose gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
- Deadname
- A former name a person no longer uses. Using it can cause distress or gender dysphoria.
- Gender identity
- A person’s internal sense of being a man, woman, non-binary, agender, or another gender — distinct from biological sex.
- Gender affirmation
- The personal process someone takes to validate their gender — which can be social (name, pronouns, appearance), medical, and/or legal.
- Gender-affirming care
- Holistic health and social support that respects and affirms a person’s gender identity.
- Gender binary
- The idea of just two genders — male and female. Non-binary genders sit outside or between these, or aren’t male or female at all.
- Gender diversity
- An umbrella term for the range of gender identities and expressions beyond the man/woman binary.
- Gender dysphoria
- Distress or unease from being misgendered, or when someone’s gender and body feel disconnected. Not all trans people experience it, and it can ease with support.
- Gender euphoria
- The comfort, connection and joy a person can feel when their sense of self and gender align — often after a gender-affirming moment.
- Gender expression
- How someone outwardly presents their gender — clothing, hair, make-up, voice, body language.
- Gender questioning
- Being unsure which gender, if any, one identifies with. It’s a valid place to be, not necessarily a fixed identity.
- Sistergirl / Brotherboy
- Terms for trans people in some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, carrying distinct cultural identities and roles (also spelt sistagirl / brothaboy).
- Transgender (trans)
- An umbrella term for people whose assigned sex at birth doesn’t match their gender identity. Trans people have the full range of sexual orientations.
- Transfem / Transfemme
- Trans people whose gender or expression is feminine, or aligned with femininity in some way.
- Transmasc
- Trans people whose gender or expression is masculine, or aligned with masculinity in some way.
Sexual orientation
- Sexual orientation
- A person’s sexual and/or romantic attraction to others. There are many possibilities beyond the common labels, and some people describe theirs as fluid.
- Heterosexual (straight)
- Someone attracted to a different/“opposite” gender.
- Gay
- Usually a man attracted to men, though it can describe anyone attracted to the same gender; sometimes used as a broad umbrella term.
- Bisexual (bi)
- Attraction to people of the same gender and people of another gender — without assuming there are only two genders.
- Pansexual
- Attraction that isn’t restricted by gender.
- Asexual (ace)
- Little to no sexual attraction. Ace people may still experience romantic attraction, and it doesn’t imply a lack of libido.
- Aromantic (aro)
- Little to no romantic attraction. Aromantic people may or may not also be asexual.
Societal attitudes & issues
- Misgendering
- Referring to someone with language that doesn’t match their gender — wrong pronouns, gendered titles, or other gendered words. It can be harmful.
- Heteronormativity
- The assumption that heterosexual relationships are the natural, default expression of sexuality — which can render LGBTIQA+ people invisible.
- Heterosexism
- A social system that privileges heteronormative beliefs and practices, providing the backdrop for homophobia.
- Cisnormativity
- The assumption that everyone is, and will remain, the gender they were assigned at birth — erasing trans people.
- Cisgenderism
- Systems and beliefs that privilege cisgender identities and treat other gender identities as a problem to be fixed.
- Homonormativity
- Privileging “normative” people and relationships within queer communities, pressuring LGBTIQA+ people to conform to mainstream norms.
- Homophobia
- Negative beliefs, prejudice, fear or hostility toward same-sex attracted people — from offensive language to discrimination and violence.
- Biphobia
- Prejudice or discrimination against bisexual people, including dismissing bisexuality as not real or legitimate.
- Transphobia
- Negative beliefs, prejudice and discrimination against trans people. It can occur inside the LGBTIQA+ community too.
- Microaggressions
- Subtle, everyday words or actions that communicate hostility or negative beliefs toward marginalised people.
- QTIPOC
- Queer, Trans and/or Intersex People of Colour — encompassing experiences of both LGBTIQA+ identity and racial or ethnic marginalisation.
Glossary terms adapted from the Australian Institute of Family Studies’ LGBTIQA+ glossary of common terms.
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